Where am I ?
2 January 2011
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If you have been tracking with me on my blog “change” you may recall my mentioning the dry wit and humour of my aunt Lois. Uncle Howard her husband, would often say ”don’t take life to serious, learn to laugh at yourself. ” I received an e-mail from Liz, my cousin Joe’s wife, who lives in Tegaske, a small (very small) Western prairie town in Southern Saskatchewan, where uncle Howard wanted to be buried as it is his boyhood home. Lois was not all that excited about it and would comment when the subject came up, ”You want me to be buried where?” Howard would not have it any other way. She was his lifetime bride and they were inseparable. This was in the email….
Tom this is the picture of the head stone of Howard and Lois. Everyone has been shocked, surprised and amused when they have seen it.
Just the reaction Howard would have expected and most likely loved. He would be amused by the comments. Lois I suspect would have been too. I find it interesting to watch people’s responses and reactions to things in life. Some are able to take things in stride, laugh at life and others are wound up like a guitar string ready to pop at any time. Little things happen that can set them off, cause them discomfort and to lash out at others. It is usually someone weaker or a person who they believe will take it, having tested the waters many times. There is an old country western song titled “You always hurt the ones you love.” I would argue this is a misnomer, questioning if they really do love if the behaviour never changes. Wounded people wound others. They act out of their fear and pain.
The tragic thing about all this is that after they lash out they seem to feel better having vented. On the other hand the person on the receiving end is left reeling, dazed, wounded and dismayed. As I was thinking about this just the other day, while scrambling around with the crowd getting my Christmas shopping done. People can get pretty edgy at this time of year. I saw a woman with a boy who I assume was having a bad day. He was acting out and she letting go with a barrage of verbals that could have sank a navy destroyer. The boy shrunk and his head slumped forward. He was left completely emasculated. My heart sank as distant memories flooded my own heart . In a flash I revisited the pain of the past as if it were a moment ago. My mom, a desperately unhappy soul separated by 2000 miles from family and friends and no air miles, just stamps and letters. My dad checked out living that quiet life of desperation. I felt this little boy’s pain as if it were my own. The pain moved briefly to anger and then to sadness. I suspect when in Matthew 18, Jesus stated and I paraphrase, ‘Do not hurt or cause one of these little ones to sin, that is act out of his or her pain. That it woud be better for you to tie a milestone around your neck and throw yourself into a lake’
Jesus took it pretty serious. I believe He knew what the long term ramifications of hurting a young child woud have so He issued a strong warning. The actions of others, particularly someone older in authority, can and really does impact small children and when it is repeated will stay with them through out there lives unless healed. It certainly did me and hundreds of others I have met along the trail. It impacts how we see our selves and the world we live in. Whether we will be free or live in fear. We grow up with confidence when those who raise us continuously reinforced our qualities and how special we are to them over and over again just as a mother holds, rocks and sings to her baby a thousand times. Men need to do this in other ways for their children. If not, we grow up unsure of ourselves and fearful. A healthy adult can more easily shake off criticism when it comes our way and it will. Not so for a wounded person. They tend to take all injury very personally. Taking on shame which can and does in turn play out in destructive ways in our other relationships.It has taken me many years with the help of God, a good counsellor and others for me to be ok with me for the most part. To dismiss the old messages of the arrows when they come. To feel safe, be ok with who I am, warts, wriggles, spots,blemishes and yes my mistakes. To know that God loves me for who I am and not just for what I can do. I have been somewhat surprised as to how many of us have grown up with critical people in authority. Broken parents, siblings and or other persons who have wounded our hearts. But then again I suppose I should not be surprised as we do live in a fallen world. Boys and girls growing up into men and women who were shamed, put down and or emasculated. Is it any wonder we need help to navigate the road of life and to find freedom? Free to love and to live well? I suppose this is why we do what we do at Men of Life. Sadly many will remain hiding behind their masks pretending they have it made or are ok missing the offer God has for them. Galatians 5 tells us “It is for freedom Christ has set you free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened by the yoke of slavery”
In Isaiah 61, which is our mission statement, Jesus proclaims “I have come to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free”
Aunt Lois’s head stone asks Where am I ?
So now I pass it back to you. Where are you ? What assault has come against your heart? Have you ignored it, stuffed it down or embraced it? What parts of your heart have not been healed?
Jesus asked the man at the pool “What do you want ?”
Do you want to be healed?
We would love to walk along side you.
Perhaps we will see you at our next book camp . Hope so friend.
Tom
